New York

This is the story of why I moved to New York. In many ways, it's a personal story. But to the void that is Internet - and whoever that chooses to find me in that void - I don't mind sharing this bit of myself.

After graduating from USC, I had to choose what to do next. The obvious choice was finding a job. I had a few leads, and I followed them more or less diligently, but I couldn't think of anything that really grabbed me the way I wanted my career to be.

I visited the usual suspects to apply for computer jobs: Google, for its reputation, both as a company as well as a company to work for. Northrop Grumman, for its background that matches my graduate studies in robotics, as well as its immediate positive outlook given the war in Iraq that had no unforeseeable end at the time (It also helped greatly that I had a contact there.) Intel was out of the question because (besides being a company that does not best fit my background) it has not the best reputation as a company to work for. AMD was out of the question because its outlook was not the best given the constant threat from Intel. Microsoft was also out of the question as a company deemed as an evil empire, and I wanted to be proud of the proud of the company I wanted to work for. Apple was not a viable option because Steve Jobs, being the perfectionist that he is, can be a difficult man to work for. I had a constact at Samsung during my brief temporary work there but they were not open to hiring. A friend also got me in touch with his sister at Yahoo, but they at the time only had internship opening which I was skeptical about. I liked the idea of working for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, but they were facing budget cuts and layoffs. I also had a talk with a virtual reality technology company I used to work for before my graduate school, but their outlook was grim given the direct competition they were going to face against Nintendo Wii (which was yet to be released), and it was obvious they weren't serious about hiring me to direct the course of their company but rather as a footsoldier to guide their own vision which I disagreed with if they were going to survive the war against Wii.

I felt that my best option at the time was to apply to Google and Northrop Grumman. I had some decent fondness about the two companies and I felt they would provide me with a positive direction in future career, which was important to me because I felt that whichever direction I chose next would be the career that I most likely will end up with forever. Still, I preferred not to choose a job based solely on my outlook, but more on my conviction of the company and my enjoyment of working for them.

My future career. What would I do for the rest of my life? I enjoyed (and still enjoy) programming, but I got a chilling sensation over my spine realizing I'll be typing in some computer language sitting at a desk for the rest of my life to create software that other people get to envision. I always enjoyed programming and the thought of doing it for life had never bothered me. But at the age nearing 30, it started to hit me - I'm not entirely comfortable with that idea.

One of the things that bothers me about programming for life is several-fold. One is that I prefer to envision and create my own creations more than I do other people's. I think that's just my right side brain talking, but I always enjoyed the artistic side of programming, and doing it for myself always provides a greater degree of freedom than doing it for others. Two is that the way I like to program is to think 80% and type 20%, which is not typical of a corporate culture. Three is that I started to notice in my mid-20's that my social behavior becomes rigid the more I stare silently at code all day. And I sort of wanted to work on my social life more after having made some of the best friends I'll ever have during my time in Los Angeles. And a typical software company was not going to meet any of these needs for me.

I had some talks with my friends at some shallow level, but what my pastor told me made the most impact. And it was very simple: Computer is everwhere. You can be in any industry or field you want to. And that's when it hit me, that I can choose my career. Change it. If I wanted to. Until then, all I thought about was computers (I started computer programming in the third grade) and it had never occurred to me that I'd ever work in any non-technology field. Because I had one skillset that allows one to get into any field - computers. I just needed the will to direct it. So that's when it got me thinking - could I use my computer skills to learn about another industry, and provide myself with the option to change my career path?

After botching my final interview at the Google Santa Monica office (they told me they wanted me to get more knowledge in computer networks - I got all their questions correct but it took me some time to arrive at my conclusions, and apparently they wanted someone with more experience that can answer network questions faster), I followed up on another position I applied for at Google (entirely by accident due to timing of my applications through two separate leads.) I ended up on a plane to the Google headquarter known as "Googleplex" in Mountain View, all expenses paid for by Google - plane, hotel, food. This was the first trip of its kind.

On the plane, I sat next to a man reading a book with the text "Prophecy" written on it. Always looking for God's lead to witness to people, I hit up a conversation expecting to talk about religion and to share my faith. Instead, it turns out the book he was reading was about people's finances, and how the future (hence the prophecy) looked grim due to the rise in inflation, expected bankruptcy of the Social Security program, and people's lack of knowledge in their own finances. Case in point was the pension program that many companies once used to offer that no longer exists - companies used to offer pension program as a way for their employees to save up money for their retirement, but now the program no longer exists because pensions get devalued too quickly. Not only that, many companies do not survive the lifetime of the employee, declaring bankruptcy before the retirement of the employee, taking their pensions right along down with them. Instead, companies today sponsor 401(k) or similar programs run by third parties that allow employees to invest their savings. The prophecy was that people who retire will have little or no money left for their retirement in the years to come, leading to a global poverty (which often means higher taxes for the younger generation to cover the country's poverty level.) To properly manage one's retirement, the book concludes, one must learn to manage finances and invest them.

I talked to the man more about the book and what he does to protect his finances. It turns out he owns several homes, not intentionally but due to a series of events in his life that required him to move frequently, and he was using these homes to make extra income by renting them out. Because he is the owner of these properties located in Utah, his travel expenses to see his family in Utah (he grew up there) could be covered as business expenses, allowing him to make savings simply by being a business owner. While this was not a significant investment for him, he also spoke about the possibility of flipping houses (buying houses, renting them out while the house improves in value, then selling them when they do) and other possibilities that he planned to explore further.

After my Google interview at Googleplex (which turned out to be another botch - I got in an argument with one of the interviewees about how he's incorrect in his technical understanding), I decided to look further into finances. The first thing I did was buy a book the man on the plane recommended, which is a prequel to the prophecy book called "Rich Dad, Poor Dad." I didn't realize this at the time but it's a well-known book read widely so you may have read it, or at least heard of it. The book was quite real estate centric (which explains the man's obsession with house flipping), but I didn't mind the lessons it offered about investing (not saving, but investing) for the future.

It made sense to me why so many people flipped houses: The man on the plane, my previous CEO, my friend's dad, and other people I knew. This will eventually turn out to be the ultimate destruction that leads to the housing bubble crisis of 2008 - too many people flipping houses without enough credit, the people that purchased the houses these people were flipping without enough credits of their own, and the people who lent to the people that did not have credits.

Eventually, I decided going into finances would be a good idea. First I approached my friend's dad who was in real estate (and who also happened to be my land lord at the time.) I knew several people in real-estate so it seemed like the natural thing to do. It was a difficult lead to consider because it would have meant I wouldn't be working with computers the way I had done in the past. Nonetheless, I was finally convicted of some career direction, so I was happy to drop my love for computers during the day and program on my own time after work hours for myself.

When I met up with him, he discouraged me from going into the housing market - it was too dry, he told me. I pitched the idea of learning during the dry market to benefit during the upswing, but he was insistent. And boy, was he right. I am still thankful that he discouraged me from going into the housing business.

After a rejection from what was essentially another job interview, I considered learning about the stock market. If the housing market truly was drying out, I needed to consider another finance field, and the stock market was a natural choice. The fact that the stock market extensively uses the computer systems was a way for me into the field. Even if I never went fully into trading, I could learn enough to trade for myself, which was ultimately the goal anyway - to protect my future investments.

A few things concerned me. For one, to learn about the stock market, I needed to interact with the people that know the market, not only other computer geeks. To do so, I would need to move to New York where there are many people in such industry, which obviously was going to be an obstacle. I'd also need to find a job that allowed me to interact with them - possibly the traders.

But that scared me a bit, being an introvert to interact with traders that are often characterized as blunt and even mean group of people that cannot keep their mouths clean. But I also saw it as an opportunity - for me to build my character. I had just ended my "relationships" with a few troublemaking classmates that often told me that I need to build a thicker skin, and I didn't disagree with their view. I felt that diving into an environment that requires me to handle blunt people would teach me to have a thicker skin. Such environment would also be highly stressful, something that I also wanted to learn to deal with better, so it an additional opportunity to learn - to deal with stress. In summary, I felt that this was a chance for me to build a character as much as it was for me to learn about the finance market.

I honestly wouldn't have had the guts to take this direction if it weren't for the things I had learned during my time in LA. Moving to LA was a scary thought. I had lived in Northern California most of my life until that time, so it was difficult for me to envision moving to another part of the state. The scariest part when I applied to graduate schools was that all the schools I applied to were far away - USC was the closest. But the topic of my study (AI and robotics) wasn't available anywhere close except Berkeley, but Berkeley wasn't a good option for me at the time. So moving to LA was the first step in my road to scary experiences. For an introvert, that was a big deal.

Other factors that influenced me was my spiritual life in LA. God taught me during my time there (through my pastor and other experiences) that it is through the unknown that I find peace. Trusting God, and knowing that he will take care of me, is when I can finally find peace and enjoy life that I have today. And knowing that he will take care of me allows me to be more adventurous which, in turn, allows me to enjoy life even more. And I believe Christ's goal on the cross was to free us - so that we can have life. Life abundant.

Erwin McManus used to have a video up on the Mosaic website. I am not a big huge fan of McManus, but he certainly gets the charisma props for getting his point across. The entire video is about walking up to the edge and living at the edge as Christians. Throughout the video he challenges us to challenge ourselves by living on that edge. Then at the end of the video, he challenges us even further with just one line: God says, "one more step."

Literally the week I was rejected by my friend's dad and was thinking about this, a college friend emailed me (who is a New York native) to ask me for some computer help. I was happy to help and, as one would do with a friend who one hasn't spoken to in a long time, we caught up. I told him I was considering moving to New York to look for a job in the financial technology industry, but wasn't sure how. And, as crazy as it may sound, he told me he was working in New York for a financial technology company.

My friend was at the time a PhD candidate in physics from UC Davis where we met. He was originally from New York but he got married and was supposed to be living in New Jersey where his wife was receiving her PhD in electrical engineering at Princeton. So hearing that he was living in New York was a bit of a surprise, more so that he was working in the very industry I was hoping to break into. It turned out his wife had moved to Minnesota where her adviser ended up as a visitor professor during his one-year sabbatical. Rather than moving to Minnesota with her, he moved back home to New York during the period.

He immediately got me in touch with his recruiter, who I didn't hear from for a long time. After a few weeks, I decided I could no longer waste my parent's money living independently in Southern California and moved back with my parents living in Northern California. A close friend from LA drove up with me to help me move, and we spent a couple days sightseeing in San Francisco with our mutual friend in SF who was getting his law degree at UC Hastings.

After I moved back and my friends left, I hoped to get some rest. But my New York friend heard that his recruiter hadn't called me and gave him a chime. What I ended up with was a series of constant calls at 8am for job interviews. After about the third phone interview, I was asked to fly to New York for an in-person interview. And after spending a day there, I received a call from the recruiter: I got the job.

So that's how I ended up here. I got the exact job I was looking for - I interact with traders daily, they swear at me and I swear right back... at the phone since I shouldn't swear at the customers. The workplace is as stressful as it gets, but the coworkers couldn't be more enjoyable to work with. In some ways I feel like my character has been mauled by all the stress of work. At the same time, I am humbled by the exposure of my humanity to the world. I am getting a chance to rebuild my character. And I smile humbly each time I realize I've improved just a little bit more than the last time I felt exposed.

c.h.a.n.g.e.

There are Obama supporters everywhere in the city. Everywhere you turn there is someone wearing an Obama t-shirt or an Obama button with the word "Change" boldly written across it. Yet, in this city filled with people wanting change, it feels as though there are only a few willing to make the change themselves.

A lady walks in front of me wearing a "Change" button. She takes out a candy bar, consumes it, and throws away the wrapper on the street.

The change does not simply happen because you vote for a president who promises to make a change. Sitting by idly waiting for someone to change your life simply leaves you wanting more, it leaves you as a leech sucking off the blood and sweats of those who worked hard to make that change for which you desired so much and worked none for. No, the change begins with you. It begins with me.

I pick up the wrapper. I hold onto it until the end of the block and throw it away in the garage. I scream at the top of my mental lungs: "You don't understand change! The change begins with you at me, not some charismatic politician we've never met!"

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country." These are the words with which President John F. Kennedy inspired the country back in the 60's. Barack Obama inspires the country once again with his message, a message often compared to that of President Kennedy. "Yes we can," he tells us. Not "Yes I can" - but "Yes we can."

You want change? Then change. It begins with us.

do this in remembrance of me

I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church. Any form of alcohol consumption was strictly forbidden, at least officially. Still, off the books, it was very much enjoyed among the social circles. At picnics, weddings, and parties, you would see the dads and the uncles whip out bottles of wine or cans of beer as quickly as the pastor left their midst.

Smoking and gambling, too, was not an uncommon sight. Trips to Reno were popular among my family and friends, and my dad and uncles were quite smokers back then. My cousins and I were forbidden from these activities, of course, but we knew what they were doing.

One of my uncles was one of the aforementioned moderate entertainer of the sins. But once he was elected a decon, he stopped them all. No more drinking, smoking, gambling. As though becoming a decon somehow made him more holy. It was as though he suddenly realized overnight that they were sins. I felt sorry for his son as he questioned his father's integrity and fell further away from God.

"There are reasons why we don't use real wine in communion," my youth pastor taught us. It's cultural, he taught us. But no reasons were truly convincing to me. "Do this in remembrance of me," Jesus said. Not "do something like this" or "do something similar to this." Do this in remembrance of me. Do this. Break bread and drink wine, he said.

I remember attending a church in Switzerland in my one and only trip to Europe. Real wine. They used real wine in communion. How envious.

The use of grape juice feels more like a P.C. way of making excuses for our faith. It would be refreshing to hear someone tell me, "we use grape juice because it's illegal to feed wine to a fifteen year old." At least it would be an honest look at ourselves - our faults, our desires, our needs.

I now attend a church where we drink wine. Christ has taught us to "do this." But contrary to what I made you believe so far in this writing, even eating of the bread and drinking of the wine is not this. It is the sharing of a meal that Christ commanded, not eating of the bread and drinking of the wine. Do this in remembrance of me - share food with the sinners and the social outcasts, share food with those in need. And remember me. Do it in my name. Do this in remembrance of me, he said at his last meal with the sinners and have-nots. Do this.

So share a meal with other sinners. Those in more need than yourself. Do that in remembrance of Christ.

a blog just for me

A blog just for me. Not to connect with anyone, or to gain props or stars, or to show off.